What We Leave Behind
We are remembered by the legacies we leave behind. Often, those are consolidated to single words or ideas. We have the power to determine those ideas, but ultimately it is up to everybody else to establish their permanence. Sometimes, those perceptions are due to a single act of greatness or notoriety. But other times, those impressions are created over years or decades.
But here’s the thing. We have very little control over what people remember. I was approached a few years ago by someone whom I hadn’t seen in 15 years. They said that I inspired them back when I was in high school leading my youth group. Apparently, I said something that made a deep, lasting impact on her about my feelings at the time on Israel. However, I have no recollection of saying what I apparently said, and I had to break it to her that I no longer saw that issue in the same way. My point of view had changed, but her perception of me had not. In her mind, I was stuck in time as a 17-year-old. In that moment, my words mattered, but what mattered more was how I made her feel.
While those words, and all of our words, matter, I’ve found that they matter less than we may think. Memory science has shown us that the majority of what we say is completely forgotten only minutes later. What sticks is the emotional moment. Maya Angelou has a wonderful quote for this. She said:
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I think we all aspire to make others feel positively about us. But how many of us succeed in that? Do we give more than we take? Do we leave people feeling loved? Do we leave an impression that we care about them?
We are all here for some purpose. Maybe we are supposed to make the world a better place. Maybe we are supposed to further a certain cause or affect some breakthrough. Maybe we are supposed to help our friends and family in need. I don’t believe that anybody’s full potential can be realized right away, and it cannot be realized in isolation. We become who we are supposed to be because of the people we meet and because of the lasting impression that we make on them.
Many of us recently have reflected upon how much one of our treasured members, Gary Smiley, affected us. Listening to the eulogies at his funeral, I found it interesting and inspiring that he left different impressions on different people. He profoundly affected each of his children in different ways, and yet each of those impressions are different than the way he affected and inspired his grandchildren. And I’m sure that the person who knew him best, our beloved Sandy, has an entirely different view of her husband.
I did not know Gary for very long in the grand scheme of things. But what I can say is that in the short time I knew him, he left a lasting impression on me. It didn’t take long for me to recognize his kindness, his passionate spirit, and the way he drew people towards him. That is evident by how many people have paid their respects over the past week, and that is evident in the legacy he leaves behind. That we could all be so lucky as to have as much of a positive impression on others.
Loss is so very, very hard. There is no amount of sympathy that can make people feel better about losing somebody they love. The only things that help with the grieving process are time, compassion, and the knowledge that everything will be okay.
We don’t really know what is to come after our time here is done, but we know that we can cherish the time we have together. As we continue to mourn, please take the time to reflect on our beautiful memories, and reflect on the ways we can continue to bring light into this world and spread love, compassion, and positivity to those around us.
Elliott McCarthy
Spiritual Leader
